they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
