she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
