Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
