i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
