There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
