lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
