i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
