Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
