oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you have to choose: penises or morals?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
