So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
