I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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