I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
