im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
