I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
