in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
