i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
