She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
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He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
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The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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