My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
