My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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