just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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