You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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