This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
