so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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