We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
