I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
