Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
