Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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