The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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