he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
