I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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