Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
