Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
