**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
This baby is an asshole
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
