i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize
