I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
