I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
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