And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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