All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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