I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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