Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Ketchup is God's man juice
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
