I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
