Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
