Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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