The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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