So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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