Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
