why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
