my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
