how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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