Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
wow bdsm is so cute
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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