my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize