Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
