But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
