sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
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I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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