The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
