I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
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You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
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Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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