So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
